A Half-Step Behind

The sun still rises in the east. It still sets in the west. The waves of the Pacific Ocean still crash against the Oregon coast. Crater Lake is still full. And the Portland Timbers have traveled to Dallas and have left without a victory. Tonight’s 2-1 defeat in the furnace of Frisco is a familiar result, and the Timbers will leave Texas with regrets yet again.

Recap

The first 15 minutes were perfectly boring.

Only two shots were recorded, and both were from the Timbers. Kristoffer Velde took a shot from a tight-angled free kick in the 11th minute, but it deflected off the wall and went out of bounds for a corner. Cole Bassett drove forward in the 14th minute and tried to shoot from outside the box, but his attempt was immediately blocked.

There was no early Dallas storm to weather. The Timbers looked positive, confident, and able. However, slight execution errors would doom them throughout this game. Poor first touches and slightly off-kilter passes prevented the Timbers from capitalizing on some of the opportunities that Dallas presented them. Los Toreros’ first chance would come from one of these poor touches. Bassett couldn’t complete an interception in the middle of the pitch in the 20th minute, which gave Dallas the opportunity to charge right down the field. Bernard Kamungo’s shot from outside the box skidded across the ground and into the waiting arms of James Pantemis.

Portland’s best chance of the first half came in the 30th minute. Bassett found Velde in space, and the Norwegian winger drove towards goal from the left wing. He cut it inside and sent a shot towards the far post, but it went wide. The Timbers’ first shot on target came in the 44th minute. Bassett played a pass out wide to Antony on the right. The Brazilian winger tested Daniel at the near post with a pretty well-struck shot, but the Brazilian goalkeeper barely had to move in order to deny his countryman.

It appeared that the Timbers were about to enter halftime with a 0-0 scoreline. Then disaster struck. Shaq Moore played a ball over the top to Logan Farrington, who had found the soft spot between an advanced Joel Waterman and a dropped Diego Chara. Farrington let the ball do the work and slid the ball underneath Pantemis with his first touch to give Dallas a 1-0 lead in the 45th minute. More on that later.

The Timbers didn’t deserve to be ahead at halftime, but a 1-0 deficit seemed slightly unfair. Things were about to get even more unfair in the 47th minute. Kaick overcommitted on a tackle attempt and cleated Waterman in the leg. A yellow card was shown. MORE ON THAT LATER. Farrington would commit two fouls in the span of two minutes (56th-57th), but none of those cynical challenges brought the yellow card out of Timothy Ford’s pocket. Ariel Lassiter recorded the first notable shot in the second half with a 60th-minute laser from distance, but it resulted in an easy save for Daniel. 

Portland created a good chance in the 68th minute. Velde played a through ball to Gage Guerra in the box. However, the angle rapidly narrowed. It didn’t stop the native Texan from getting a shot off, but Daniel had already closed down the space. The ball was still loose, so Daniel punched it behind for a corner. The resulting corner kick blazed through the box. 

Dallas nearly made it 2-0 in the 74th minute. Bassett gave the ball away in the middle of the field, which led to Christian Cappis (not Farrington, who was incorrectly identified as the ballcarrier by commentator Christian Miles) finding Farrington on the left side of the box after a driving run forward. Farrington slipped the ball to Kaick, whose cross was blocked by Finn Surman. The ball fell to Farrington, who just had to side-step Bassett and sent a left-footed shot towards the far post. That shot hit the far post and bounced away. Herman Johansson got to the rebound and sent a left-footed shot towards the goal, but it hit Surman in the head. Ford blew the whistle for a head injury stoppage, and the second half hydration break commenced.

Five minutes later, another chance presented itself for the Timbers. Lassiter slipped Ronald Hernandez in behind on the right wing, and a cutback cross found Guerra. His immediate shot was blocked, but the rebound fell to Velde. Dallas defenders collapsed his space, but he side-stepped them and got a shot off. It took a deflection and went out of bounds for a corner. The resulting corner was cleared by Moore’s back, and some head tennis commenced between the two teams. However, Lassiter was able to regain possession, beat his man, and send a tantalizing cross on the ground into the box. This delivery bypassed every single player as it streaked through the six yard box with Daniel frozen to the spot. Every Timber was at least a half-step behind. Commence the Surrender Cobras.

In the 82nd minute, a Lassiter cross did find a Portland player in the box. However, it was nodded wide by Bassett. Petar Musa entered the game during the hydration break, and took a shot from distance in the 83rd minute. Although the strike was wallopped towards goal, Pantemis got down on one knee and fielded it like a ground ball. The Timbers looked like they might find a late equalizer as the clock ticked down. However, as the team gets more comfortable with Cifuentes’ principles built around creating repeatable attacking sequences, they continue to transcend their abilities on the defensive end. They’re now creating repeatable defensive errors.

In the first matchup between these teams in July, Musa was gifted a late go-ahead goal when Alexander Aravena played a backpass to no one that the Croatian striker was able to latch onto. Felipe Mora would equalize minutes later. But Dallas hadn’t forgotten that mistake. Neither did Musa. Aravena wasn’t on the pitch tonight, so it fell to Portland’s nominal left winger to play the hits again.

In the 87th minute, Antony played a backpass directly into Musa’s path. The Croatian striker had to contend with Pantemis coming off his line, and the quick shot was parried by the Canadian goalkeeper. But Musa got the rebound and played a perfect cross to Joaquin Valiente at the back post. One touch to settle, one touch to smash the ball underneath Pantemis for a 2-0 Dallas lead.

The scoreline said the game was over, but the Portland Timbers disagreed. In the 90th minute, Lassiter was played in behind and pulled the ball back for Hernandez in the middle of the box. The Venezuelan fullback paid homage to Toyota Stadium’s status as the permanent home of the FCS Championship Game by kicking a field goal of his own. But three minutes later, their pressure paid off.

Kamal Miller, who entered this game as a left back, played a diagonal ball towards Guerra in the box. It took a bounce right before it reached the University of Louisville graduate, which gave him barely any time to react. However, his non-reaction turned into a positive. The ball bounced off his face and directly into Lassiter’s path. With a golden chance in front of him, the Costa Rican winger calmly slotted the ball past Daniel. 2-1 Dallas, 90+3’.

Could it be possible for the Timbers to scrape a draw? Well, they came close to doing so one minute later with the winds of momentum at their backs. Velde played a delightful cross-field switch to Hernandez, who moved the ball to his left foot and sent a cross into the box. It was met by Antony’s head, but the Brazilian winger flicked the ball to the back post instead of trying to put it on frame. That’s where Lassiter was lurking. Daniel hurriedly got down to protect his near post, and took the full brunt of Lassiter’s sliding volley directly to the chest. On the resulting corner kick, Guerra headed Velde’s delivery wide of the far post. 

That would be Portland’s last major opportunity to tie the game, as Dallas successfully took the sting out of the match when Guerra’s header fizzed away from the target. It’s their 4th 2-1 loss in Frisco, and it extends their Toyota Stadium winless streak to 7. 

Why Bother?

Although the Timbers certainly did themselves no favors with their own execution errors, this game featured two hinge points from refereeing decisions. And neither of them went in Portland’s favor.

The first of these game-changing calls came from Dallas’ opening goal on the stroke of halftime.

It really looks like Farrington might be offside. However, the key word is “might.” Television cameras can be faulty sometimes. No, it’s not what everyone wants to hear, but it’s the right call. I don’t think it’s clear and obvious that Farrington is offside. Neither does the linesman, who can be seen with his eyes directly on the play and in line with Farrington. Even Marti Cifuentes called this concession a defensive error. “One small mistake in the communication between Joel [Waterman] and Diego [Chara] defending in a low block situation, who should jump into the pocket. That should definitely be Diego squeezing up…Joel gets a little distracted, he opens up a big gap and Dallas does well to punish us.”

Meanwhile, our second hinge point is one that Cifuentes has no problem calling out. “For me, it’s a clear red card.”

What play is he talking about? Have a look for yourself.

Last year in Kansas City, a similar foul occurred on Antony. The Brazilian winger played a ball before the studs of Joaquin Fernandez’s boot met his leg directly on the shin. It was a potential leg breaker, which PRO excused as a “clear playing of the ball in a normal manner.” Both myself and Kansas City Star reporter Daniel Sperry disagreed with this assessment. Since there were multiple dubious infractions from that game, three questions were submitted via the pool reporter system. Tonight’s game only necessitated one, although I could’ve been a real nit-picker and asked about Farrington’s lack of a yellow card due to his consistent fouling of Waterman.

Here’s what I asked tonight’s match officials. After four years of pool reporter duty, I have learned that you have to phrase your questions in a way that leaves no wiggle room. Professional referees, to no one’s surprise, are a bunch of Literal Larrys. You cannot use player names, but merely the numbers on their jerseys. Phrasing these questions is hard enough work. It should come as no surprise that all this effort goes to waste as soon as the referees pick up their pen and paper (not anymore, they switched to an electronic form this year).

The entire basis for this decision revolved around one sentence: “The point of contact was low.” I am my own editor, and I try to limit cursing in these columns as much as I can. Having said that, it’s time to get out my punch card. What the FUCK is that supposed to mean?

The point of contact was low? Are you kidding me? When has a dangerous challenge ever been waved off because of where the contact was? I assume that “the point of contact was low” is referring to where Kaick’s studs landed on Waterman’s leg. WHAT ELSE COULD IT MEAN? If this was a homework assignment, and a teacher was supposed to grade it, that sentence would come back with a red circle and several question marks. How in the WORLD is that a justification for a lack of a video review?

This is a Bluesky post from Alex Barnes of Stumptown Footy. He is also a pool reporter, and has had his fair share of nonsensical dealings with PRO. MLS designed this system where referees get direct questions from reporters to answer for decisions that they have made. It wasn’t too long ago where I was filling out this same questionnaire to ask Drew Fischer about what threshold was crossed on Kamal Miller’s red card against the Galaxy earlier this year. Looking back on it, Miller’s red card was far less egregious than Kaick’s attempted bone-snapper. But I didn’t have a problem with the call in real time, and my pool reporter question was used purely to get a sense of how those fouls turn from yellow to red.

Based on Fischer’s response here, and the overwhelming basis of consistency that these referees are EXPECTED to uphold, it would be an error of the highest order if Kaick wasn’t sent off. The qualifications for “Serious Foul Play” (which Fischer defines as “endangering the safety of his opponent”) are absolutely met by Kaick’s challenge. Let’s go back to Alex Barnes for a second, because he’s about to expand the definition with a line ripped straight from the rulebook.

Guess what? Kaick’s challenge also meets these standards. And yet, the only explanation given is about how low the point of contact is.

Navigating this system, which continues to only get more complicated, makes me only decide to use it when a seriously bad or game-changing call occurs. In one of my biggest professional regrets, a lack of consistent sleep led to my failure to get a pool reporter question about the Asterisk. The lightbulb turned on 7 minutes after the final whistle, which meant that the 5-minute deadline was already surpassed. Since that day, I have tried my hardest to use this system whenever the referees call for it. I don’t need explanations of good calls. No one does. They’re expected to happen. However, when the egregiously bad calls pop up, referees are forced to be accountable.

Unfortunately, despite this carefully monitored system, referees are never actually held accountable. Phil Neville could get fined for making a comment about a poor refereeing decision that caused his team to drop points, but nothing would happen to the officials responsible for a failure to execute the duties of their job. Waterman could have actually suffered a serious injury due to Kaick’s challenge, and nothing would happen to the referee who failed to properly punish the tackle. I fill out this form and carefully prepare my questions just to be ignored. While my phone blows up with a message from every person willing to help me in my quest for referee accountability, it all seems to be a gigantic waste of time when the responses hit my email inbox.

This is no way to run a league, it is no way to run a referee organization, and it is no way to improve the product on the field that MLS completely relies upon to be relevant in the modern landscape of American professional sports. If your officials can essentially tell the public that their decision is correct because they said so, the problem of referee bullying/harrassment/taunting will only grow. And MLS will only have itself to blame.

Box Tilt/Duels

We’re starting with box tilt today. Dallas entered halftime with a 10-7 lead, but the Timbers responded with a 24-9 showing in the second half. The final box tilt score was 31-19 in favor of Portland. I’m going to be honest for a second. I do not think that box tilt is very important. I thought it would be at the start of the season given how poor the Timbers were at defending opposition attacks into their own box and how bad they were at getting the ball into the opposition box. Through 27 games in 2026, this stat effectively functions as a game-state meter.

Look no further than tonight’s showing, which featured a chasing Portland team repeatedly getting into Dallas’ box during the second half. 11 of their 24 second-half box touches were just shots. This stat can measure control, desperation, or any other way that game state can affect the play on the field. I can’t believe it took me 27 games to figure that out.

Duels, on the other hand, are still very important. During Portland’s relatively decent first half, they held a 21-14 advantage on Dallas in duels. On the whole, the Timbers won the duel battle 42-36. Given that the Timbers are more than a coin-flip chance to win any random duel, I’d imagine that Cifuentes’ preferred defensive identity is predicated on getting in the correct positions to win such duels. That’s a roundabout way of describing counterpressing, I guess. 

Player Ratings

James Pantemis: 6.7

The former Toronto Maple Leaf (those are the words of commentator Christian Miles, more on him later) registered 3 saves and conceded 2 goals. The saves were pretty good, and they were ones that you’d expect Pantemis to make. Both goals went underneath him, which isn’t that great. However, he completed 21/23 passes. 

I’d like to take a look at one of those incompletions for a second. The camera work in this game was terrible, which led to a lot of delays. For example, when Pantemis played a pass on the ground directly through the center of the pitch in the 54th minute, the immediate thought was disaster. However, because the cameras were so bad, the delayed pivot showed that this pass actually bypassed both team’s midfields and led to a footrace between Omir Fernandez and Sebastien Ibeagha. Ibeagha won that footrace, but it was somewhat refreshing to see one of those passes not result in an instant turnover and golden chance for the opposition.

Pantemis did a pretty good job of coming off his line in this game. Maybe this rating is too low. But it’s not great when you’ve done everything right in a sequence only to fall short at the last hurdle. Pantemis’ work on Dallas’ second goal was outstanding. He comes off his line to deny Musa, and is able to scramble all the way across the box to be in a good position to deny Valiente. But the shot went underneath him. That has to be tough.

Ronald Hernandez: 7

I noticed Hernandez a lot in the first half. Was that because he was on the camera side of the field, or was it because he was very active? The answer is both! In the first half, he played a lot of balls over the top for Antony. However, when the second half began, he became slightly invisible. He popped up again in the final quarter hour, most notably sending a big chance directly into the vacant end of Toyota Stadium. Imagine having to shag that ball. The Venezuelan fullback was more progressive than Eric Miller, and created 3 chances on the night. He posted an 80% cross completion rate (4/5), with those attempts spread between both of his feet. An encouraging full debut, I must say. He gets to face his old team next weekend. Atlanta should be shaking in their boots.

Finn Surman: 8

The stat sheet is going to do most of the talking. 2 tackles, 1 block, 6 clearance, 3 interceptions, and 8 recoveries. That’s a complete performance from Portland’s most complete defender. A performance like this at the end of a double gameweek in the unforgiving Texas heat against difficult opponents needs to be applauded.

Joel Waterman: 7.4

Waterman’s first start as a Timber was very encouraging. He completed 94/101 passes, with 16 of those going into the final third. Seriously, look at this passing map.

His primary duty? Get the ball to Velde. But he was also adept at spreading the ball around. I think his calmness and ability to keep the ball moving was a huge reason why the Timbers had a pretty good start to this game. I think he did enough to earn another start next weekend.

“We’re just trying to be the best group of center backs that we can be for this team and not allow any goals,” the Canadian defender said post-game. “We didn’t do enough to get the job done. We lost.” That last quote was spoken amidst a longer bit about how much appreciation he has for his new teammates. He enjoys playing alongside them. And given the way Cifuentes likes to play, he might be one of the most important players on the team. Bonus points for eating that tackle from Kaick, but also a slight deduction for coming off his line on Dallas’ first goal. That’s a shame considering he was noticeably good at choosing when to drop or step up throughout the first half. If this is his baseline, then the Timbers have a really good player on their hands.

Ian Smith: 6.6

I feel a little bad for Smith, who had put in enough work to earn a start tonight even before Jimer Fory was ruled out with an eye injury. Dallas was targeting him from the opening whistle, and he largely held his ground. However, some of the existing chemistry with Velde didn’t really shine through. It was a solid shift, but a rather unspectacular one. I think he should take a couple corners when he’s in the starting lineup. In a game where the Timbers left a fair amount of set piece chances on the table, his delivery from the corner flag rivals Lassiter’s.

Diego Chara: 7.2

Break out the confetti and streamers. Diego Chara didn’t commit a single foul in yesterday’s game.

But how good of a stat is that when he only tallied 1 tackle and 2 interceptions? 

Still a pretty good one considering he won all 4 of his ground duels! In addition, he drew 3 fouls. It has been a very congested week for the 40-year-old captain. A trip to Dallas on the heels of a surprise outing against St. Louis could not have been easy. But he’s Diego Chara, and he makes the impossible look effortless on a daily basis. 

Joao Ortiz: 7.5

The stat sheet does not like Joao Ortiz. However, I really like Joao Ortiz. When he received a pass, he’d most often be marked by Santiago Moreno. For the record, this is the first time I have mentioned Moreno’s name in this column. And I had to go out of my way to do it. I hope Dallas is itching to exercise that purchase option in his loan contract.

I didn’t mean to turn Ortiz’s section into a Moreno discussion. But it has to be said because of how well Ortiz responded to Moreno’s pressure. The Colombian midfielder is one of the better defensive forwards in MLS, which actually makes him perfect for Eric Quill’s system (#ExerciseTheBuyOption). However, Ortiz continually got the better of Moreno in possession. He was an active receiver of the ball, drawing Moreno into a challenge before quickly moving the ball or making a good turn out of the pressure. If he can add a little more offensive dynamism into his game, the Ecuadorian midfielder will become a huge asset in Cifuentes’ system.

Cole Bassett: 6.5

This is not the time to have a big-picture Cole Bassett discussion. There’s still plenty of the season left for him to bust out of this recent cold stretch. However, in a lineup without David Da Costa, Jose Caicedo, and Vincent Janssen, the Colorado native needed to have a good game today. He did not.

During the first half hour (before the first hydration break) Bassett was making it harder on his teammates with several bad first touches. I don’t think his effort can ever be questioned, and some caveats can be made with the recent heavy workload and short turnaround between Wednesday and tonight. But one of Bassett’s trademark attributes is his relentless motor. There were times when that motor disappeared on the blazing hot pitch of Toyota Stadium. I think he’s still finding his true role in Cifuentes’ system. Is he a progressor? Is he a presser? Is he a box-crasher? These questions have to be answered quickly. A lot of the hopes for the rest of the season are on his shoulders. 

Antony: 6.4

“In the second half, they pushed Kamungo to the left side,” Marti Cifuentes said post-game. “And that created a little less space for Antony, which I think in the first half we definitely should’ve exploited more.”

Hernandez was desperately trying to find Antony in that space throughout the first half. However, he wasn’t making quick enough decisions to fully stay ahead of his defender.

The Apple replay keeps freezing. Two minutes into the game, Antony receives a chip pass from Hernandez and sombreros a defender. Then he juggles the ball three times before dribbling out of bounds. Just go watch it. I don't have the patience for Apple today. Blame Christian Miles.

This is the part of Antony’s game that he’s struggled with since he arrived in Portland in August 2023. I think it’s the biggest reason why he hasn’t been able to lock down a starting role. Decision-making is directly linked to confidence, and his confidence is also pretty streaky. How much can he really be blamed for the giveaway on Dallas’ second goal when it’s one of the only repeatable patterns that this team has shown? Velde has made that play before, and Aravena after him.

Sure, it’s a really bad play. But I’ve seen it too many times to lay into him specifically about it. It’s a play that any Timber should not be making. But it’s also a tell-tale sign of how much progress still needs to occur before these simple giveaways stop. Let’s see how he rebounds against Atlanta next weekend.

Kristoffer Velde: 8

Portland’s heliocentric star had to be even more heliocentric tonight. And with every touch of the ball, excitement grew.

The past week has solidified Velde as a MLS star. He can take over the game through his own force of will, or he can use the gravity he creates to ping perfect cross-field switches to his teammates. Like this one!

Despite his efforts, he wasn’t able to will his team to victory. But he left everything on the field at the end of a very congested week. The hopes of Portland’s attack do rest on his shoulders. And he’s very comfortable carrying that load.

Omir Fernandez: Intriguing

Most people would look at Omir Fernandez’s performance and be slightly discouraged. However, I saw an opportunity for him to earn some more game time.

Although Fernandez only touched the ball 16 times, there were opportunities for him to leave his mark on this game. As a false 9, he did a decent job of occupying the middle, which is one of the chief duties that a player in that role has to achieve. But I’d also like to talk about where he needs to improve too. The numerous crosses that went through the box needed someone to poke home. Fernandez wasn’t making those striker runs, and the goals that those crosses deserved didn’t get the final touch. 

I wouldn’t be too opposed to seeing him in this role again, especially given the extenuating circumstances that hung over tonight’s game. But Fernandez needs to get on the ball more to truly leave his mark. You can only disappear for so long.

Ariel Lassiter: 9

The unquestioned man of the match (for either team) tonight was Ariel Lassiter. And it isn’t even close.

From the moment he entered the game in the 56th minute, the Costa Rican winger took over. The cutting edge that the Timbers were missing in the first half had suddenly arrived. He feasted on the left side of Dallas’ defense, erasing defenders on the dribble and delivering quality service into the box. His goal was absolutely earned, and he looked like a TAM-level attacker as he relentlessly kept driving downhill. If the Timbers were able to complete their comeback, Lassiter would’ve been a huge reason why. But even though their comeback attempt failed, the Costa Rican winger was the reason why it was possible in the first place.

Gage Guerra: The Poacher

Guerra gets brought onto the pitch to get the final touch, and he had two decent opportunities as a substitute tonight. His off-target header in the 5th minute of second-half stoppage time definitely neutered Portland’s comeback attempt, but his accidental assist two minutes earlier gave the Timbers a lifeline. I find it very funny that Guerra has two assists this year, and both of them have been completely accidental. In the season opener against Columbus, his whiffed volley was smashed home by Felipe Mora. Tonight’s offering was even more accidental: the ultra-rare face assist. He demands service whenever he’s on the pitch, and it makes him a really good chaos sub. 

Kamal Miller: 7.5

Were you surprised to see Kamal Miller enter this game as a left back? I was. But it was a pleasant surprise, especially considering his contribution to the goal. I think “emergency left back” can be a workable role in the situation that the Timbers found themselves in tonight. But they have to be in control of the game for that strategy to really bear fruit. A pretty good outing for Miller, hockey assist included.

Coach Rating: 7

This was undoubtedly the most experimental lineup that Marti Cifuentes signed off on since taking charge a month ago. Despite the absences of Vincent Janssen, Jimer Fory, David Da Costa, and Jose Caicedo, the Timbers had a really good shout to win this game. They had value for the tie too. But Cifuentes is not shy in his disagreement of this assessment. “I always say football is about achieving. It’s not about deserving.”

That’s a guy whose message can percolate through the locker room. Although tonight’s result wasn’t the absolute end of the world, it’s really hard to go back and look through this game with an eye on all the missed opportunities the Timbers had. An encouraging road performance given the circumstances, but the Timbers need results now.

Table Time

Portland remains in 8th place after this loss, but they could fall to 9th if San Diego beats Philadelphia tonight. St. Louis continued their hot streak, San Jose got their second win in a row, and the Rapids got another home win (and clean sheet) to widen the gap between themselves and the Timbers. LAFC seems a little lower than usual. What happened with them?

They lost to 2026 SPORTING KANSAS CITY? Oh brother. Talk about missing the free space. These words will surely come back to haunt me on October 10th, but that’s so far in the future. Only the present matters.

And no team is having a more glorious present than the Seattle Sounders. After going down 1-0 in Carson, Paul Arriola (the nipple man) salvaged a point for the silly Sounders with a late equalizer. That increased their unbeaten streak (all draws) to 4 games, with plenty of moral victories all around. HOWEVER, their MLS unbeaten streak has now reached 12 games. Can you really blame them? The foreshadowing was all over the stadium!

I cannot congratulate them enough. Yes, this streak will end eventually. So it’s only natural to revel in it as long as possible. 

Final Whistle

There are two points to touch on in this concluding segment. First of all, I have to address one thing: I told you so.

Let’s run through his highlight reel from tonight’s game.

-said that James Pantemis was a “former Toronto Maple Leaf”

-repeatedly calling Kaick “Moreno”

-butchering Velde’s name in ways that shouldn’t be humanly possible

-saying that tonight’s game was Santiago Moreno’s first game against his former club, despite my own eyes witnessing a Moreno disasterclass two months ago in Portland when he got relentlessly booed

-saying that Moreno used to be a Timber without explaining why (pretty important context that any amateur broadcaster wouldn’t shut up about due to the storyline and intrigue!)

-referring to Jack Cassidy as “Jack Harrison” (WHAT?)

-referring to Toyota Stadium as a “gem” despite the venue being located in FRISCO and being surrounded by enough concrete to build a skyscraper (I can have this opinion, I have been there for a game)

These are just the ones that I catalogued. I surely missed many more. Feel free to leave your favorite Christian Miles gaffe in the comments.

For the record, his co-commentator Kacey White was very knowledgeable, informative, and easy to listen to. She deserves a better broadcast partner. What does it say about the Apple deal when one of their permanent broadcasters continues to screw up on basic info to this degree? This game was already hard to watch without Miles’ incoherent babbling in the background. Sometimes there is important info that the commentators talk about that necessitates a need to watch the broadcast in English. Unless Miles is on the call, and you want to be driven closer and closer to the edge of insanity. It’s such a bad look for the league whenever he calls a game. And it’s even more offensive considering he’s a Portland native and should have some deeper knowledge about his hometown club. No more Christian Miles, please.

I think this past week can be labeled the “week of attrition.” More players got hurt, the schedule got progressively harder and more congested, and the team still managed to adapt and play some competitive soccer. Despite the result, this was one of Portland’s best road performances of the season. That’s not saying a lot considering their 2-0 loss variety pack (which this game nearly joined if Lassiter doesn’t pull one back in stoppage time). But there are some positives, some negatives, and some bigger questions to take from a pretty routine loss in Frisco. Most importantly: if the Timbers weren’t a half-step behind in their most potentially dangerous moments, they would have won. “We didn’t create chances, we created situations,” Cifuentes said post-game. Those situations just needed one touch to become chances, and those chances would’ve become goals.

Cifuentes has ways he can learn from this game. So do the rest of the players who saw the field. Now the Timbers have a full week of rest to get healthier and get ready for a cross-conference game against a disappointing Atlanta team. Time to freshen up and get at it again next weekend in the comforts of their home. The annual trips to Frisco are over. Everyone can breathe a sigh of relief. The climb continues.