The Joy of Six

I have never been more nervous for a Portland Timbers game in 2026.

After the stunning and beautiful 5-1 victory at the Fishbowl two and a half weeks ago, a race against the clock began. I would have to unleash all of the braggadocio that my body could handle because history said that the Seattle Sounders would come to Providence Park in a very short time and shove all of my joy back down my throat. This is how the rivalry is supposed to work. Instant opportunities for revenge are presented, and they’re always taken. But tonight, as the Timbers prepared for their rivals’ response to a historic humiliation, those same rivals decided to keep pushing the limits and boundaries of what could be done on a soccer field. They are the Seattle Sounders, and they will never stop innovating. It’s what they do.

That innovation could have taken so many different forms. The door was open to humiliate the Timbers with the rags that they call a “supplemental roster.” With a whopping 10 players on Seattle’s pre-match injury report, the stage was set for the Sounders to dole out a humiliation to a Timbers team that has spent the majority of 2026 getting humiliated in some way or another. That’s how this game was supposed to go. But the greatest innovators you’ve ever seen decided to reach into their bag of tricks and conjure something that the Seattle Sounders have never seen since they made the terrible decision to start playing soccer back in 1974.

The Portland Timbers closed their regular-season series with their biggest rivals by snatching a 2-1 victory. In doing so, they lengthened Seattle’s losing streak to a whopping six games; something that the Sounders franchise, across all incarnations, has never experienced. They should have scored 6 at Lumen Field two and a half weeks ago. But that number, which used to represent joy to the Sounders’ faithful after a fluky game in August 2021 that was immediately reversed two weeks later, has now turned to a burning forehead tattoo that cannot be removed. It should have been six. It is now six. The Sounders decided to blow up the history books in more ways than one. It might be their greatest innovation of all time. You absolutely have to hand it to them.

Recap

The first 15 minutes weren’t great.

I’m going to keep harping on this point because it’s very important. While the Sounders are pushing the panic button about, well, EVERYTHING (more on that later) I’m pushing the panic button as a result of Portland’s continued inability to properly begin games on the front foot. Neither team was able to do much during this opening “quarter,” with the only notable event involving USMNT (reject) winger (playing right back in this game) Paul Arriola’s 7th-minute substitution after going down behind the play holding his leg. Kalani Kossa-Rienzi replaced the veteran winger. Both teams were still trying to feel each other out.

The first major chance did arrive in the 15th minute, and it was Portland’s to take (and miss). Brandon Bye sent a good cross into the box, but Kevin Kelsy’s header looped away from Andrew Thomas’ right-handed post. The flag was raised for offside in the 27th minute, giving the Timbers a free kick in their own half. Kamal Miller took the dead ball, but passed it directly to Kossa-Rienzi. A pass to Albert Rusnak followed, then Rusnak found Paul Rothrock making a run on the left wing. Rothrock played a short slip pass to Rusnak, who was continuing his run, and suddenly the Sounders had the ball on the endline.

Once the ball gets to the endline, Brian Schmetzer wants his team to play a cutback cross on the ground. In theory, this is supposed to force the defensive line back towards their own goal and open space in the center of the box for a player to have a more open shot from a very favorable angle. But Rusnak opted to chip this ball towards the back post. Miller got his head on it, and the ball fell at the top of the box. There are many different ways to score on the Timbers. So when Kossa-Rienzi fell on this loose ball with a one-touch volley, a familiar picture was painted.

With 4 games of non-Phil Neville Timbers soccer in the books, conclusions can be drawn about what were “Neville problems” and what are “systemic issues.” Conceding shots from this spot remain “systemic issues.” Kossa-Rienzi hits it with his weak foot, it goes through a crowd of players, and beats Pantemis to the goalkeeper’s left. This shot shouldn’t have occurred in the first place. But it did. So one of the defenders had to block it. They didn’t. Now Pantemis has to deal with it. He got a hand to it, but not enough to keep it out of the net. 1-0 Sounders, 27 minutes in. It looked like history was going to repeat itself yet again.

And for about 15 minutes after this goal, the Sounders had their best spell of the game. But did the Sounders look good, or did the Timbers just look completely shaken? It’s a little bit of both! No play illustrated this better than a nearly disastrous Seattle corner kick in the 32nd minute. Rusnak’s delivery was headed into the center of the box by Nouhou. The ball bounced four times before Finn Surman cleared it with his left foot. But that clearance was weak, and Rusnak arrived to hit a first-time shot aimed at the far post. Surman blocked it. The rebound fell to Nouhou at the top of the box, and the Cameroonian piss artist sent a looping header towards the goal frame. Pantemis met it with a good diving save, and it went out for another corner. Rusnak opted to take this one short. I don’t know why he did this. But Rusnak swung in the cross after getting the ball back, and Pantemis climbed his ladder again. Instead of catching the ball, the Canadian opted for a weak punch. This punch fell to Snyder Brunell, who sent a low shot towards the goal frame. That weak shot resulted in another scramble, which ended with a Miller clearance. Seattle won the second ball, and they were back in business. Jesus Ferreira sent a cross into the box, but Stuart Hawkins sent a header over the bar. During this positive stretch for the Sounders, they continually gobbled up second balls and forced Timber turnovers. But they couldn’t turn those changes of possession into chances to score.

This period of “dominance” ended in the 38th minute. Peter Kingston played Ferreira through on the right side with an excellent pass into space. The USMNT (reject) striker sent a low cross into the box. Pantemis came off his line and collided with an onrushing Rothrock. Rusnak collected the loose ball, which neither Pantemis or Rothrock were able to get a touch on. Referee Joe Dickerson blew the play dead after Pantemis remained on the ground with a potential head injury. This stoppage was the miniature break the Timbers needed to get back into the game. And their response was almost instantaneous.

In the 41st minute, Nouhou won the ball and began a charging run up the left side. As someone who national commentators insist loves to get forward, he really likes proving various Apple broadcast teams correct. But Ariel Lassiter raced back and won the ball from the marauding piss artist. After a few passes to signify that the Timbers had possession again, David Da Costa received the ball in the center circle. He played a square pass to an onrushing Jimer Fory, who moved the ball to Kristoffer Velde further up the pitch. The Norwegian winger cut inside and played a free inswinging cross to the back post. It traveled past the outstretched leg of Hawkins and into the big body of Kelsy, who used his knee to put the ball in the back of a vacant net. 1-1, 41st minute. Game back on.

The Timbers weren’t immediately back into the game. Seattle actually had the last major scoring chance of the first half. As time ticked down on the 8 minutes of allotted stoppage time, Kingston found Rusnak in the right channel in the final minute of the already-mentioned length of stoppage time. The Slovakian DP sent another aerial cross into the box, but it missed Osaze De Rosario; Seattle’s starting striker. But Nouhou kept the ball in play, and sent a back-post aerial cross of his own. De Rosario flicked it to Rusnak, who was now inside the six-yard box. But the Designated Player chose to designate the side netting as his chosen target. He didn’t miss, he merely shot the ball at the one part of the net that doesn’t count for goalscoring. The halftime whistle blew immediately afterwards.

Now the second half began with one change for the Sounders (Sebastian Gomez for the yellow-carded Kingston). It only took 35 seconds after the game’s resumption for the Timbers to find a chance. Cole Bassett played a pass down the line for Lassiter to run onto. The Costa Rican winger hit the ball with his weak foot, but still found Kelsy in the box. However, the Venezuelan striker was unable to double his goal tally as his effort sailed over the bar. Four minutes later, the Sounders had a corner kick. Rusnak’s inswinging delivery was cleared by Surman, but the Sounders recovered the second ball (are you noticing a pattern?). Gomez delivered a very nice diagonal ball to the back post, which was met by the right foot of Ferreira on the volley. It was Ferreira’s first shot of the Clausura, and it forced Pantemis to make a wonderful close-range save. 

Since Seattle was starting De Rosario, a big boy who happens to be a nepo baby, the deliveries into the box mostly consisted of aerial crosses. Another one of those aerial crosses was aimed at Seattle’s second nepo baby striker (the first one, whose father is the team doctor, missed tonight’s game because of a leg injury brought on by the failure to use his once well-regarded pace against the Timbers two and a half weeks ago). That cross was delivered by Kossa-Rienzi in the 64th minute, but Surman headed it away. It fell to Nouhou, who unleashed a curving volley that lasered wide of the far post. 

From this point forward, each team decided to play controlled possession soccer. This style is Seattle’s bread-and-butter, but it doesn’t work so well when the majority of their attackers are firmly on the struggle bus. Portland had some success, but their shortcomings were exposed by a lack of willingness to take shots from outside the box. Velde tried one of these shots in the 81st minute, but it bounced right into Thomas’ waiting gloves after taking a nice skip on the turf. 

But one minute later, it became Bye’s turn to “have a hit, son.” Thomas opted to punt the ball long and hope that substitute Danny Musovski (who replaced Seattle’s one true outlet in De Rosario, God bless you Brian Schmetzer) could win the ball and hold up the play. That didn’t happen. Miller nodded the ball to Fory under minimal Musovski pressure. Sweet. After a quick pass to Diego Chara, the lines were broken by the Colombian captain as he found Da Costa. Portuguese Dave found Portland’s other DP on the left side. But Velde was unable to beat Kossa-Rienzi on the dribble. Thankfully, he recovered his own dispossession and gave the ball back to Da Costa. He created a bit of space to escape some pressure and found Bye at the top of the box. One touch to settle, one touch to send a ferocious shot that slid along the turf and beat Thomas to the goalkeeper’s right. 2-1 Portland, 82nd minute. History was being rewritten.

Now the Timbers had to see out the game and potentially add another goal. Goal differential matters in Cascadia Cup matches. That third goal was close in the 86th minute. Kelsy played a wonderful overhead flick into space for Antony (that had to be a tribute to Felipe Mora). But Antony wasn’t able to beat Nouhou. At least he drew a foul for his efforts. The Timbers continued to threaten while holding Seattle to jack squat in the attacking end. The final whistle blew on a 2-1 Timbers victory. These Timbers, sitting 13th in the West at the World Cup break, beat the Sounders twice in two weeks to enter the Leagues Cup pause in a playoff spot. They handed their rivals their 6th consecutive loss. And they didn’t fall into the historical trap of revenge. It never gets old.

“Not Our Tidiest Performance”

Unlike the previous destruction of the Sounders two and a half weeks ago, the Timbers did not have a smooth ride on their path to a second straight fish gutting. Jack Cassidy admitted as much in the post-game presser. “It probably wasn’t our tidiest performance out of the four games. I thought we had a few sloppy ball losses. The game went a little bit like a lot of MLS games do, the transition game, and I don’t like that kind of game. Those games worry me a bit.”

The biggest discrepancy between the 5-1 and tonight’s 2-1 (that’s 7-2 on aggregate, shoutout to Sporting Kansas City) was Portland’s inability to consistently win second balls. If the Sounders were actually good, they would have punished the Timbers by turning those second ball wins into instant offense. But the Sounders are very stinky, so they couldn’t make Portland pay for their sloppiness in possession. The Timbers lost the ball very easily on countless occasions. However, I think the Timbers needed to win a game with a performance like this.

Sometimes you are a bit sloppy, but you get the job done nonetheless. Games against Seattle don’t require pin-point precision; they just need enough to get the job done. In this case, the job is a win, and the Timbers were able to accomplish that. And it still provides more things to work on as the team prepares itself for Leagues Cup.

But the Timbers are not getting away with a performance like this against other playoff teams. Marti Cifuentes is going to look at this game, admire the fight and passion shown by the players, and start thinking about ways to turn this motivated group into a team that can put together performances that warrant victories every week. All three of Cassidy’s previous games presented performances that were worthy of wins. Even on an off night (maybe “regression” is the right term) the Timbers still did enough to beat their rivals. That’s great.

There’s also work to be done here as well. Seattle definitely battled harder than they did two and a half weeks ago. 5 Timbers finished with a negative duel differential: Kelsy, Da Costa, Fory, Antony, and Ian Smith. Ground duel losses were the reason why. But the Timbers also dominated Seattle in the air for the second consecutive game. That’s another positive to take away!

Just Take A Damn Shot

However, it isn’t great that there are still residual effects from the Neville era. The Timbers still have trouble defending shots from the top of the box while being reluctant to attempt shots from distance. The second half was characterized by the Timbers keeping the ball in dangerous positions but failing to pull the trigger when the situation called for it. Da Costa was a big contributor in this regard. Chara refuses to shoot from distance, but maybe he should if the opportunity is right. At the very least, these attempts can create some semblance of chaos in the box. Kossa-Rienzi’s opening goal passed through a couple defenders and didn’t give Pantemis a clean look at the shot.

One of the things to look for in Leagues Cup is how Portland’s attack manages risk. Opportune times to shoot will arise, and the Timbers need to take them. It could be a more risky choice to pass up a shot instead of pulling the trigger. We’ll see how the Timbers adjust this part of their game going forward. If they don’t, points will probably be left on the table.

Player Ratings

James Pantemis: 6.8

The Canadian goalkeeper made two spectacular saves tonight: one to deny Nouhou and one to deny Ferreira. However, I left this game with a feeling of concern. Pantemis is not controlling his box.

I can’t get that 32nd minute corner kick scramble out of my mind. Opportunities present themselves for Pantemis to call off his defenders and claim the ball for himself. He also has a tendency to punch instead of catch, which can lead to awkward clearances. His counterpart tonight, Andrew Thomas, is very good at claiming crosses and holding onto the ball. I’d like to see Pantemis become more secure and try to make more catches instead of creating more second-ball scenarios. I also hope he’s OK. Rothrock completely cleaned him out, and it looked like Trey Muse was about to be called into action for the first time.

BRANDON BYE: 9.2

“He drags some players over, and I was in a good spot.”

That’s how Bye described how Da Costa opened up the space for him to win tonight’s game with his first goal as a Timber. He mentioned that he’s been trying to get into those spots more, and it felt really cathartic to see a Timber utilize that space to shoot instead of choosing to pass side-to-side or backwards. It was his first goal in over 2,600 minutes of playing time. A Brandon Bye goal is pretty rare. This one was special for multiple reasons.

But scoring a goal doesn’t take your rating above a 9 by itself. Bye won 6/8 duels, with his only losses coming aerially. He was a constant presence on Portland’s right side, getting forward and staying back at the right time. Paul Rothrock was Bye’s primary assignment on defense, and the veteran forced “Paulie Primetime” to lose all 7 of his duels in a rivalry game. You can’t ask much more from a fullback performance than what Bye provided tonight.

Finn Surman: 8

Surman also played a significant role in keeping Rothrock contained. His standout defensive play was a chasedown tackle on De Rosario in the 54th minute. He hasn’t had to do that too much over the past few weeks. But he did register 8 clearances (7 aerial) and won 8/9 duels; the best record on the team. I remain astounded by his ability to draw fouls as a center back without committing many in return. 

Kamal Miller: 7.2

Aside from a bad tackle he made in the 30th minute that resulted in a yellow card, Miller’s defending continued to trend upward with another quality outing against the ball. 2 tackles, 2 blocks, 7 clearances, 2 interceptions, and 3 recoveries is a very nice statline. He made a big tackle in the 14th minute to break up a Seattle attack.

But his passing left a lot to be desired. He gave the ball away on occasion and wasn’t willing to take risks that would have offset those turnovers. In addition, he lost 4 out of his 8 duels. De Rosario kept getting the better of him all night in 50/50 situations. Not the best of his previous four games, but still pretty good.

Jimer Fory: 7

Fory didn’t make a single tackle today and he didn’t win a single ground duel. But he should’ve had his second assist against the Sounders in the 36th minute. The Colombian fullback found Lassiter with a cutback cross, only for the Costa Rican to misplace his feet and flub the chance. You probably aren’t paying too much attention to this, but Fory has gone 8 straight games without a yellow card. He’s gotten used to the physicality of the league and has brought some balance to his game to boot. 

Diego Chara: 8.5

I put down a play from the 18th minute in my notes. Here’s how I logged it: “Diego header wide left, Velde receives.”

That’s all I wrote, and it was all that was necessary. The club captain knows where his teammates are, and he’s always able to get the ball to them. After he started against the Sounders on July 16th, it seemed pretty clear that he was going to get the armband and the start tonight. And holy moly did he put in another stellar performance.

A ground-eating number 6 has to go wherever he is needed. Teams that employ players in a free role are usually asking their number 10s to move between the lines and find the game. But Chara has mastered the role of the free holding midfielder. He got another full 90 under his belt and another victory against the Seattle Sounders. One more year, one more year, Diego Chara.

Cole Bassett: 6.8

I don’t think Bassett had a very good outing tonight.

Oddly enough, none of the statements I’m about to type are backed up by the statsheet. I thought Bassett lost the ball a fair amount. I wasn’t blown away by his defending either. However, something changed in the second half. After ignoring it for the majority of the first 45 minutes, the diagonal ball to Velde was suddenly back on.

Where was that pass during the first half? You can build the plane (proper analogy considering there were Alaska Airlines advertisements back in the stadium tonight) out of those switches and getting Velde 1v1 on the left wing. I want to see some more incisive passing from Bassett because I know he can do it. In addition, he sent a field goal into the South Deck in the 58th minute and blew a big counterattacking chance with a very poor first touch in the 64th. I was a little surprised that he wasn’t substituted sooner.

David Da Costa: 7.7

My reward for captaining Da Costa in Kickbase is reaping the benefit of an easy assist. Bye credited Da Costa with drawing so much attention and dragging defenders out of position so he could have the time and space to slam the ball into the back of the net from distance. Da Costa’s movement and threat earned the assist more than the actual pass he made.

Yet there are still some concerns for Portuguese Dave. I’d like to highlight one of them now.

Let’s take a look at that directional passing wheel. Two of those sections are completely filled in: north-northwest and north-northeast. Velde and Fory are the recipients of the former, while Kelsy is the target of the latter. I think the Timbers have an opportunity to build the plane out of quick Kelsy-Da Costa combinations in the middle of the field.

Portland is still very reliant on the wide areas to create chances. And they need to use the middle of the field more. Kelsy is becoming a good one-touch passer and a willing runner. So is Da Costa. I think both of these players could form an excellent partnership that could draw defenders in and give Velde even more space on the left. 

Ariel Lassiter: 7

He’s going to want that missed 36th-minute chance back. But he had an excellent outing on the defensive side of the ball, making 7 recoveries (including a recovery to set up the sequence that led to Kelsy’s goal). Although Lassiter has been perfectly fine in his 4 consecutive starts since the World Cup break, I think the Timbers really need to go splash the cash on a DP right winger before the summer transfer window closes.

Lassiter plays on the right, but he doesn’t dribble inside. He’s willing to send in crosses with his weaker right foot, but they aren’t as good as the deliveries he can produce with his left. He’s a good player who is absolutely worthy of getting serious playing time, but he’s more naturally suited to playing on the left. The Timbers don’t have an out-and-out right winger on the roster. Using a premium roster slot on that position can raise the floor and the ceiling of this team.

Kristoffer Velde: 7.9

There were several times in this game where I thought, “Is Kristoffer Velde good?” Then it would change to, “Is Kristoffer Velde great?” I’m very conflicted about his performance in this game. So I have to start at the very beginning with what I’m sure is a very quiet but important caveat.

During warm-ups, Velde started hobbling as the team did their usual shooting drills. As a result, he missed a few rounds of shot attempts. This concerned me because I thought he might be a late scratch from the lineup. However, no change was made, and he walked out with the rest of the starters and proceeded to play 102 minutes.

I think he was playing through a slight knock tonight. His movement didn’t look as sharp and some of his decision-making was off. But he still managed to register an assist for the third game in a row. His playmaking is severely underrated, especially after Neville’s system forced him to operate like a second number 10. I think his inswinging crosses from the left side are my favorite deliveries on the team, just surpassing Bye’s low crosses from the right and Lassiter’s inswinging dead balls. He is first-choice on the left wing with several other players eligible to play in that spot. I’m giving him a pass for tonight and I hope he can fully heal up by the time Thursday rolls around.

Kevin Kelsy: 8

We should probably start with the yellow card.

After Rosendo Mendoza robbed the worldwide audience of sending Paul Rothrock to the showers with a second yellow for diving, Joe Dickerson continued to enforce the widely-held belief that there can never be a MLS game without an officiating decision that makes you hold out your arms in disbelief. In tonight’s case, it was Kelsy’s 45+5’ yellow card for simulation.

A simulation yellow can only be awarded if no contact is observed. Dickerson thought Kelsy went down easy in the box, so a yellow card was shown. HOWEVER, replays quickly indicated that Kelsy did draw contact from Stuart Hawkins, and the contact was enough for a penalty kick to rationally be awarded. I remain befuddled that the VAR official (Carol Anne Chennard) didn’t recommend a review for this play. It didn’t affect the result, but you won’t be surprised to hear that the Sounders got away with one.

Kelsy adores salmon. His mom goes to the local market and buys him filet after filet of the finest fish he can eat. He absorbs the power of that fish and uses it against the Seattle Sounders. 3 goals in 3 games against the Fishies. Spectacular. Another spectacular Kelsy moment (besides his equalizing goal, bundled across the line by his recently injured knee) was this tribute to his former teammate Felipe Mora in the 86th minute.

I wish this play became a goal. Alas, noted piss artist Nouhou (who was easily the best Seattle player on the pitch) fouled Antony and killed the upcoming crowd explosion. 9 goals and 2 assists in 17 matches for the Venezuelan striker. I’ll get the apology form ready.

Antony: 6.6

The Brazilian winger entered the game in the 64th minute as a substitute for Lassiter. This should have been the optimal time for the Timbers to utilize Antony’s elite speed to focus their attacks in a downhill fashion. However, that’s not what happened at all.

Antony repeatedly chose to slow down play instead of start running downhill. That same downhill running provided fits for the Sounders on July 16th. Why couldn’t the conditions be met for supersub Antony to be unleashed tonight?

Well, Seattle wasn’t chasing the game and Antony had a motivated Nouhou on his flank instead of Kossa-Rienzi and Tino Lopez. Ironically, after spending a few sentences talking about Antony’s lack of directness, I have to point out that he should’ve had an assist. He played Jose Caicedo in behind during the first minute of second-half stoppage time, but the Colombian midfielder fell victim to the turf monster. The Brazilian winger literally put it on a platter for him. Not a very good performance from Antony, but I thought he was making good decisions with the ball at his feet.

Ian Smith: 6.8

Smith only shows up once in my notes after entering the game in the 88th minute as a substitute for Bassett. That one note pertains to his actions in the 5th minute of stoppage time. He created some space on the left side and made a nice pass to Da Costa. With Leagues Cup just around the corner, I expect to see Smudge get some more playing time in the next two weeks.

Jose Caicedo: 6.7

Caicedo appears twice in my notes. The first is the aforementioned slip in the 90+1’, while the second is a headed clearance on a 90+5’ Rusnak free kick. Like Smith, he should be getting plenty of minutes in Leagues Cup.

Omir Fernandez: WELCOME BACK!

I love seeing players return from injury. Zac McGraw should be getting the opportunity to do so during Leagues Cup. But Omir Fernandez made his return to the pitch in the last minute of this win. He ended the previous Portland-Seattle game by getting on the receiving end of Rusnak’s tackle from behind, which resulted in a red card. He gets a participation trophy for this game. But even participation trophies are victories in their own right.

Coach Rating: A Non-Alcoholic Heineken

In my recap of the 5-1, I said that Jack Cassidy would never have to buy another beer in Portland again. That was after only one win against the Seattle Sounders. When he took the podium tonight, he was personally responsible for 42% of the 24 total points that the Timbers have earned this season. In FOUR GAMES, he picked up 10 points. Neville took 14 points from FOURTEEN GAMES. What is the real catalyst behind this sudden upturn in fortune? Is it due to the Timbers having (theoretically) four home games in a row as soon as the Clausura began? Maybe everyone came back extremely refreshed from the break and were newly motivated to face the rest of the season?

You know the hypothetical reasons I gave were complete nonsense, right? I think this next point can be illustrated by some additional context.

Cassidy, Bye, and every single player that has talked about the overarching change within the group has harped on the term of “simplicity.” The interim head coach took charge of training and immediately simplified the concepts that the team was working on. Was overcomplication an issue under Phil Neville? Does that really warrant an answer when the defining image of him on the touchline is repeatedly shouting at his own players to follow his instructions that should have already been drilled into them during training?

Cassidy has done the revolutionary thing of putting players into spots for them to succeed while also providing the proper support for them to understand and execute the gameplan. That might sound like I’m minimizing Cassidy’s achievements, but I can assure you that I’m not. Forget the sorry state of the Seattle Sounders for a second. Winning games in this rivalry is not easy, yet Cassidy has done it twice in two-and-a-half weeks. Schmetzer has won three home games against the Timbers in TEN YEARS.

Another win tonight felt like an appropriate curtain call for Cassidy’s interim tenure. And Cassidy knows how important both of these wins have been for the supporters. “I’ve heard that I won’t have to buy a drink anymore. That’s the rumor. So if anyone sees me, I like a 0% Heineken and a red wine for my wife. So just make sure everyone knows that for when they see me out.”

You heard him. One million non-alcoholic Heinekens. “It’s been an amazing time. The players have given everything. We said at the start about how do we create a higher bar for the next head coach and the lads have put themselves right back in the mix. The season is bang on now because we were a little more adrift than we wanted to be at the break. So it’s just a credit to their hard work. It’s been a pleasure.”

If this is Cassidy’s last game as the interim (there is no guarantee that he won’t be on the sidelines against Puebla next Thursday), then I’d like to echo the last sentence of Cassidy’s answer. It’s been a pleasure to watch a young head coach galvanize a team that looked checked out and unmotivated as the Apertura wound down. It’s been a pleasure watching Cassidy’s calm and focus permeate into the squad and allowing their confidence to flow. This team has picked up seven points from losing positions in the past three games. Those recoveries are only possible because the team knows they can win those points back. It’s been a pleasure to watch someone erase the negativity of the past two and a half years by providing two unforgettable results against the team Timbers fans hate the most. And with those two unforgettable results providing six (SIX, LIKE THE LENGTH OF THE SOUNDERS’ LOSING STREAK) crucial points, Cassidy can finally look at the league table. He’s avoided it for the entirety of his tenure. Now he gets to look at the tangible results of his achievements.

Table Time

This table is almost unrecognizable from the way it looked at the World Cup break. Let’s take a look at some risers first. St. Louis and Portland started the Clausura in 12th and 13th, now they’re in 7th and 8th. Houston climbed from 7th to 4th. LAFC rose from 5th to 2nd. Who has remained static? SKC and Austin remain in the basement. Congratulations to them. Vancouver is still topping the conference, but they haven’t won a game since the Clausura began. Colorado has remained in 11th. That’s pretty funny.

Now we get to the fallers. I’ll save the best for last, don’t worry. San Jose only dropped one spot and might have significantly downgraded at goalkeeper. RSL, Dallas, and Minnesota have each fallen two places in the table. Two teams dropped three places: San Diego and the Galaxy. Los Plasticos managed to win one of their pre-Leagues Cup games. LA scraped a scoreless draw against Dallas to pair with a 1-1 draw against the Quakes last weekend. Each of those droppers have at least managed to procure some points in the last few weeks.

Final Whistle

And then, tied with San Diego and the hilarious Galaxy, the Seattle Sounders appear out of thin air. They are the only team in the entire league that hasn’t collected a single point in this brief Unpausa. An innovation of the highest possible degree in the present day that also has historic ramifications. 

As soon as the final whistle blew, the players in REAL green began their celebration ritual among a chorus of cheers and whistles. They made their way around the field, adding family members to their train, and ended in front of the ceremonial log. Two slices were handed out tonight; one for each goalscorer. As the players received their slices, Timber Joey brought a fish carcass onto the log. This carcass was already dead. It probably put up a significant fight in the net that was used to catch it. Maybe it was born in a fish farm. We don’t know the journey that the fish took to get here, but it was selected for one purpose. Joey raised an axe and beheaded the corpse to deafening cheers from the crowd. Players and fans raised their hands together to cheer as one.

It never gets old.

But now we must pivot to the losers. This is what you have been waiting for. Don’t worry. Here comes your prescribed dose of Schmetzer-freude.

The scene in the conference room next to the referees’ lockers was set up as such: a large background, covered in an ugly badge alternated with Providence logos set upon a nauseatingly blue background. A lone iPad (or similar tablet) was propped on a table at eye level, with no additional lights to illuminate the already lit room. This is where Brian Schmetzer had to sit and explain why his allegedly superb team had just lost their record-setting 6th game in a row. 

The length is 10 minutes. The clip begins with Schmetzer: “I haven’t yet [clears throat]. But I get it, it’s reality. I’m a pretty pragmatic person. But, you know, we’ll reflect on this. We’ll certainly talk about it, think about it. What I would tell you is that you can’t fault the effort of the players.”

He’s right. The players he selected certainly put forth a good effort today. But they’re not very good, and they lost. For the sixth game in a row.

“The guys stepped up in a big way in the first half. It’s unfortunate that they scored a goal late because I thought going into halftime 1-0 would have been a fair assessment of the first half. But, again, reality bites you in the ass, and it didn’t happen, so I have to answer your question. I will reflect on it, Jeremiah. We’ve already started the process of why we’re taking injuries. Is it the training pattern, you know, did we overcook them…we’ve had guys cramping in the games, it’s because they’re putting maximum effort in.”

He seems proud of the “maximum effort” that his players keep putting in. It’s a shame that they keep getting hurt while doing so.

“Peter Kingston had a deal leg, you obviously know about Paul [Arriola’s] calf, Kim Kee-Hee was on a 45-minute time limit, and he gutted out 68 minutes in a really good performance…We were going to take Snyder Brunell out at halftime because he was complaining of a tight hamstring. The kid made it 90 minutes. So yeah, it was a loss Jeremiah, but I’m not going to sit here and not compliment the amount of effort that group put into the game.”

These elevated Defiance players are destroying their legs so the Seattle Sounders can keep losing games. Seattle injury crises aren’t new. But this one seems to be affecting everybody. Schmetzer would go on to say that Jesus Ferreira was also cramping. The Sounders had a full week of rest ahead of this game. That's not normal.

Schmetzer would then go on to explain his decision to start Arriola at right back. I thought it would be a possibility if Alex Roldan wasn’t healthy enough to start, and it honestly made sense for Schmetzer to do so from a tactical and personnel perspective. But Arriola only lasted 5 minutes before the trainers were tending to his calf. Unfortunate.

But seeing another highly-paid player go down with an injury surely instilled some form of panic in Schmetzer. “I don’t know if I’ll ever panic unless I’m in an airplane that’s crashing down and there’s water above my head.”

You heard it here first. The Ocean Man will only panic if he’s completely underwater. 6 straight losses and an entire starting XI of injured players is not underwater by Schmetzer’s standards.

“I think I’m pretty pragmatic.”

The ocean is the most pragmatic entity on the planet. Without the forces of weather and the moon, it would be a sheer reflective surface of deep blue that stretches from landmass to landmass and reaches the depths of the deepest trenches. The ocean spirit has imbued Schmetzer with the endless pragmatism that the ocean desires. He cannot become the moon, he must be the ocean. Which is what makes this next part all the more hilarious as he tries to embody the spirit of the moon.

“We’re taking this loss pretty poorly because of the stupid tifo that the Portland Timbers had, I have no idea what they’re doing. The whole ‘Gut the Fish’ thing. They can laugh, they can have their moment. I can’t sit here and say that they didn’t beat us 5-1 up in Seattle and they didn’t win this game 2-1. But what comes around goes around. So they can enjoy this moment. But panic stations? No. Not even close. If you asked me if I was pissed off, I’d tell you yes.”

To paraphrase Officer Jim Lahey: “Don’t you mean what goes around comes around, Ricky?” Schmetzer can be angry. But he can’t provide the duties of the moon while occupying his present calling as the ocean. There are ways to rationally be angry about this result. Instead he chooses to whine about “Gut the Fish.” As the ocean spirit, it probably pains him to see a creature of his domain sacrificed so needlessly on a ceremonial log. Even when he tries to be the moon, the ocean keeps coming out. And it produces this spectacular bit of theater. 

The moon spirit won’t let go. It’s still trying to come out as Schmetzer starts to answer the next question. “Well, we always have, and we’re defending champions by the way, there’s some positivity for you, we always have the same process. I’ll reflect on the job I did. Should we have gone to a back five late in the game? Should I have brought Musovski on? We were trying to win the game, you know, all of those decisions. I’ll certainly reflect on all that…And then we’ll have a film session where we go over the positives and the not-so-positives and that’s our program and we won’t deviate from it.” 

He tried his hardest to be the moon, but he was returned to the ocean again. Right on cue, I joined the group in the room. I have to do my Timbers duties first, but I had one question I was planning to ask Schmetzer regardless of the result. I didn’t get my chance because the reporters that didn’t travel took priority over the people who were already in the room. A ridiculous way to run an operation. Reward the people who show up. But I sat as a fly on the wall for the remainder of this presser. A mere observer. Now I had to be the most professional I’ve ever been. No breaking character. Stifling every grin. Holding in any bit of laughter that might escape. All in the hopes of getting to ask a question that I had no chance of asking. 

He would go on to say that Peter Kingston and Snyder Brunell put in DP-caliber performances. He blamed Paul Rothrock for allowing Brandon Bye to score the winning goal. “Paul has got to be smart about that.” Two pen clicks were heard when he began to answer a question that he had already provided an answer to. He’s planning on running out a “hungry bunch of guys” in Toluca. He re-iterated his commitment to making the right decision regarding any incoming players. “It has to be the right guy, the right fit, the right economics, all that sort of stuff, you guys can ask Adrian [Hanauer] or Craig [Waibel] if they feel any more pressure. What I’m telling you is that I’m too smart, too old, too stubborn to sit there and make a poor decision just because we’ve taken six in a row.”

That last sentence was the hardest one to get through. He went full ocean. You should never go full ocean. I had to lift my shirt over my mouth to hide the smile that was forming. It was magical to watch in real time.

“So if you’re asking me if people are a little upset, or nervous, or Jayda’s word ‘panicking,’ because there are some people that do that. But smart people that understand what we’re trying to accomplish, we look at it with a little clearer lens, and we’re going to try to make a good decision, because yes, Jeremiah, we do need some reinforcements.”

That’s how the Sounders enter Leagues Cup: clutching on to their “defending champions” moniker as they head to Toluca before returning to face Queretaro and Chivas at home. Their immediate return to league play is another Cascadia Cup game; one that they must win so the Timbers can stay alive in the continental competition.

Six precious points is all that the Portland Timbers could glean from their 2026 Cascadia matches. Any positive Vancouver result in August 16th’s game against the Sounders will eliminate Portland and Seattle, guaranteeing that the Whitecaps get to hold on to the trophy for the next year. I wouldn’t be mad at that result, especially given all of the nonsense that Vancouver has had to go through this year. However, there’s positive news on that front as of late. Local rich guy Arthur Griffith, the former owner of the Canucks, is at the forefront of a group that is looking to purchase the Whitecaps. He would try to keep them in Vancouver. That’s brilliant news. 

But the Timbers are still alive in Cascadia thanks to the joy of six awesome points earned from two games against the Sounders. They got those points in two different ways. The first was a confidence-fueling destruction where they beat the Sounders senselessly with their own pairs of shoes in their own house. They had to fight harder to protect their own house, yet they still found a way to win when they weren’t at their best. Two different games that taught two different lessons.

And in doing so, they managed to avoid the historical pitfalls of having an opportunity for revenge so close to a recent humiliation. That is already admirable. Now the Timbers are entering Leagues Cup on a high. Marti Cifuentes is still on his way. Jack Cassidy has proven to be a more than capable set of hands if visa troubles continue to persist. The squad is confident, and they’re about to enter into another competitive tournament with three more games at their 100-year-old Cathedral.

But the real victory in this result is how it pertains to the history of the greatest rivalry in American soccer. Sounders fans refer to a certain 6-2 game as “The Joy of Six,” a shockingly boring name for a game that was spectacularly reversed two weeks later. Their fans should really leave the innovating to the team instead of taking it on themselves. But even the team tries to emulate the fans sometimes. One of the Sounders’ team buses broke down tonight, forcing staff members to walk to the stadium. This happened to ECS back in 2022. On both nights that involved a Seattle bus breakdown, the Sounders lost 2-1 to the Timbers at Providence Park after scoring the first goal. The creativity is lacking there, folks. I’m disappointed.

In hindsight, the Timbers didn’t need to score six goals at Lumen Field on July 16th. They unwillingly decided to take the phrase “Joy of Six” for themselves this year. But they were waiting for the best possible moment. A hard-fought and deserved 2-1 victory turned into their own “Joy of Six.” They sent the Sounders to historical lows by handing them their first 6-game losing streak in club history. Such an event is not an innovation, it is merely a reclassification. And the momentum provided by this 4-game stretch, aided by two famous victories over their hated, stinky, disgusting, sorry, and outright BAD rivals, has reignited a fanbase that can see themselves being a big-boy club again.

I don’t think the Portland Timbers have had this much positive momentum since the climb to MLS Cup in 2021. They took a huge result against the Sounders (the Jimi Hendrix Dos a Cero) and ran with it all the way until penalty kicks in whipping wind and rain stopped them in their tracks. Other teams around the league are picking up momentum at this time, but none of them can harness the power of beating their rivals like the Portland Timbers can. It is now the time to get more aggressive, both on and off the field. It is now the time to strap into some sturdy boots and prepare for an ascent. None of their recent post-2021 seasons have featured a stretch like this. From 5eatt1e to a late Mora equalizer to a farewell brace to the Joy of Six. Tom Dundon believes that it’s hard to sell tickets to sporting events in this town. That’s just his excuse to continue being a dickhead, but he should honestly turn his eyes to Providence Park and see a city that is begging for a sports team to lift them towards a trophy. RAJ Sports isn’t trying their hardest. But the Timbers can, and they should. The ball is in their half. And with one shot from outside the box, all that giggling, cackling, cheering, and joy can pour out. Risks have to be taken in order to keep this momentum going. 

Sounders fans think our seasons are successful by merely beating them. They forget that we conquered the mountain before they could even reach it. The mountaintop calls. Its ritual sacrifices have been made. On a night where Alaska Airlines made its return to the advertising boards, it’s time to hop back on the jet. But climbing is still required, no matter how easy a path might seem. A full fish gutting has been achieved. The climbers have found their feet again. The only way forward is up. The climb continues.